Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Becoming One with the 'Clan'

Week Fifteen:

Baby is now about the size of an orange, ears and eyes are moving to the correct places on the head. Uterus is moving a stretching - which explains why my stomach is killing me! I have massive headaches, and fart like it's my job.

After a weekend of screwing myself with third shift, here I am, mostly back to a normal schedule. My stomach has been hurting super bad, but not like cramps, and my digestive system feels like it's in knots. Not the most comfortable thing ever.

I went to the zoo yesterday with the BF and his entire family. Yep, one family pass, two adults and seven 'children.' I felt super preggos yesterday. Most days I forget about it, and it's like it isn't there. Which is why I guess I'm having issues with believing that this is actually happening to me right now. But with the heat, and the thirsty, I was just wiped out. I sat a lot in the shade and it was really warm. Being that tired really frustrates me because normally I'm not a little wimp about things.

Both the BF and I have been having awful dreams about the baby, breaking up, and just stuff like that. Really stressed out. He got drunk the other night with his friend and started to really open up to me about the whole having a kid thing. Not like it was bad, but the only thing that made me really upset was him saying that we shouldn't have had one right now.

I know this isn't the best time to have a baby, but really? This is the time we are having it. Whoo, vent over.

On a different note, we talked about the marriage thing again. I need to integrate with the Keckler Clan before we get married, and he doesn't want people to think he is marrying me for the wrong reasons. Here's me thinking he want's to get another job and begin to be able to support a family. Silly me.

And now I want to introduce you all to a new section I like to call, 'crazy shit I tend to eat.' This weeks crazy shit is chocolate chip cookies with nutella on them. I can get away with it because I'm pregnant, ha!

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Signing up for Parenting Classes

Today the BF and I went to go sign up for parenting classes. It was fun, got to talk about some different resources. I think the best part was getting to talk about our future goals. We had to imagine what our kid would be like at eighteen years old, and what we would have hoped for them to acheive. I said things like graduate high school, apply for college, and he was thinking about having it move out. We made a list of ten things we hoped it would have in eighteen years.

We also did a lot of co-parenting talk, making a parenting mission statement and stuff. I'm beginning to feel much more like an adult, and that I can handle having a baby.

Might need to find some nifty baby proofing stuff though.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Final Respite

This past weekend I worked my last respite at ITC. It was amazingly fun except for dealing with my least favorite person in the world. Being there was interesting because we had this eight-year old girl with down syndrome. She was the cutest thing, and I got to hang out with her, and she sat on my lap and we ran around.

Some people at camp thought the bring preggers was a huge joke. Ha! Look who has the last laugh now. But it was nice to clear up the rumors and stuff.

It was a nice time to figure out that I can handle being around a child, and that I can be good at it. I also got to work with an eleven year old with autism who had more than her fair share of meltdowns. I was happy to be back again, and it was nice to have something to do, even though I missed my BF super much.

As far as drama goes, I have been relieved to be stress and drama-free. There has been nothing bad in my relationship, and things have been pretty groovy with the baby. In fact I got homemade mac'n'cheese for dinner last night when I got home from camp. I'm so lucky. After all the drama, and the bullshit, it's nice to have a reprieve.

I am almost at week fourteen, so that has been on my mind, and I have another dr appointment on June 8th. Hopefully I can get my letter for 'light load' for work, and then start a new job...again.

The need for food has decreased a little, the peeing hasn't been frequent, and I'm just waiting for the uterus to move into the abdomen.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I hate my ex-boss.

Week 13!

Met with a few nurses today - gave my medical history, signed up for some classes. Ran to Meijer to get my prenatal vitamins refilled. I'm still tired, I'm still kind of stressed out, and I'm trying to figure out life. But somehow shit keeps following me around.

I received a letter with my last check from AP. My ex-boss decided to inform me that I was fired and that I didnt' resign from my position.

If that's the case, then why is my letter on file pre-dating her 'correction' letter, and I haven't gotten any unemployment checks.

I resigned. The end, time to give it up.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Stressed Again!

The stress levels are high again. I went to orientation yesterday at my new job, got a tour, got keys, got signed up for shadow shifts, the works. Then, stupid me, I ask the policy on maternity leave. My new supervisor said, "You can't work here if you are pregnant."

You can't work here? Then where was that in the interview? Where was that on the job application? Doctor cleared me for work, I passed my drug test (not that I wouldn't). And suddenly this?

I'm so furious and angry. They can't fire me for being knocked up. All I can hope is that I will still have a job and I will still be able to provide for myself and for the future of my child. It's ridiculous! I'm so angry, and I didn't need this stress. I want this job so badly, I want to go back to work, I need to get going with life. I have rent to pay.

Not ok.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

End of the First Trimester

Week 12

The fetus is now the size of a plum, the heartbeat can be heard on an ultrasound, and it is developing all sorts of digestive things for when it needs to start eating.

I went to the doctor today, he got all up in my business with a pelvic exam and breast exam, and hit me with some cold jelly to listen to what's going on in my uterus.

The first couple times he listened it was obviously my heartbeat, slow, kinda chill. Then I got to hear the baby's. That was the biggest rush, and it was all I could do not to start crying. The rest wasn't so much fun though, I hate being poked and prodded, but it is reassuring to know that my uterus and ovaries are in the correct place and that I don't have breast cancer.

Kinda sad that the BF couldn't be there. He had to work. :/ I wanted to be able to share this with him. I tend to do the 'my kid' and 'my uterus' thing, which I've been trying not to say. It may be mine, but it's on loan to the kid at the moment. Waiting for my new planner to come in the mail so that I can keep up to date with appointments. Just chilling before my next day at my new job.

Oh yeah! I'm working at Hope Network now as a Resident Advocate. I'm super excited for the pay raise and not having to be at my old place of work. I am still waiting on Thresholds, maybe I can get an on-call position there too. Work a few jobs, pay my bills, just kinda coast and live until I can get a part-time or full-time job.

Anyone out there know anything about MSW school? I'm thinking about the master's in social work as a potential career move after I have kid and it starts going to school.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Luck in the Awful Job Market

I have applied to three places, and I got three interviews. So far, I have gotten one job offer, and I started yesterday. Basically, I feel really weird about getting all this when the job market sucks in MI.

Dr. appointment tomorrow. I am apparently now through the first trimester, which is the most dangerous time.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day Weekend 2011

I decided to surprise my mother this weekend and come home. She was so surprised when I walked in the door on Friday when my dad and sister should have walked in. It was great to go home and chat with her and go shopping. We had a lovely home dinner on Friday night, and I took the time to tell my dad that he's going to be a grandfather.

He took it well, kept his opinions to himself. Not like he can do anything about it anyway. But he seems excited, just a little concerned with the BF and I sticking together. In his words, we already "have the best relationship. People throw away their marriages all the time, but no one throws away their kid." I guess that's true, I will have the BF in my life forever, daunting as that seems.

Had coffee with some close friends on Friday night that I hadn't seen in at least two years. Which turned into pizza when they got into a car accident. Midland of all places! Can you believe it? But they were from out of town so whatever. It was really nice to catch up, hear about my friend going to MIT next fall to build and develop the freaking satellites that NASA will launch. How cool is that?

Took my sister out shopping on Saturday while I waited for laundry to finish. Got to inform her about her new aunt status. I asked her how she would feel about becoming an aunt - she shrugged and asked who was getting pregnant.

Went to the bar with the lovely ME on Saturday. We live in soap operas, and I definitely don't get enough time with her. She has always got something uplifting to say, and geez she's such a funny chick. If only we lived in the same town again. Drinking in Midland was super weird though. I got to have a shirley temple, and didn't get charged for it. Whoot whoot for being pregnant!

Got breakfast with LS this morning, and she is one of my best friends. In twenty years of friendship she didn't see the me having a baby ever in the future.

Overall, my weekend, though I wasn't with my BF at all, was pretty cool.

Dr. Appointment on Wednesday! :) Twelve weeks for the win.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Things I Hate Part 1

I HATE VOMITING!

UGH.

Everything I ate this morning, my last apple I had in my fridge, I'M SO MAD!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Moodiness and Dreams

I have been a super ball of moodiness and angry for over a week now. It is destroying my insides with being sick to my stomach, and I effing hate it. The constant moodiness does nothing for helping my relationship, and the little fights and the endless tears are something I just can't deal with right now. I have a great relationship, I just worry about him and his parade of toxic relationships.

I won't outline his issues here, that's his story to tell.

I guess what I'm most worried about is becoming another one of those toxic relationships. I don't want to become someone else he feels obligated to and hangs out with 'to keep the peace.' That's not fair to him because I want a supportive relationship - someone I can be goofy with, hang out with, and not have to worry that something I say is going to mess it up. And I have that, we have so much fun together, playing Diablo II, we are going to start Portal 2 (judge if you must, I'm super excited!). What we talked about the other night was how it doesn't feel like we are dating anymore. It feels like we've just transcended into something more than just dating, because we both make slips like "you're the only single straight guy at work now," with an accompanying nod from the BF. Then we both realize, 'wait, hold up...no?'

It's just hard because we feel so strongly for each other, and we want to make this work for our impending kid. I hope we aren't just staying together just because I'm knocked up, I want to be with him, and it's true we've hit that six-month part and after that the relationship just seems much harder. We've fallen into a routine of go to his place, come back to my place, without planning to do anything together.

Side note - super funky dreams the past few nights. I had a dream I was trapped in my apartment waiting for vampires that were hunting zombies not to come in my first-floor glass sliding door while it snowed.

That was scary.

And after that I had another long dream about Germany, this time in full on German. A welcome relief, I haven't dreamed in German in a long time, and to hear it in my dreams, correct (or as correct as I can make it) was just fantastic. I miss it so much, and I want to go back so badly. If anyone hears about job opportunities for English speakers - hit me up, please?