Saturday, July 30, 2011

Impending Changes

Since the newest installment of The Elder Scrolls is coming out this November only eleven days before my due date, I figured it was a good time to catch up on the first four games. This includes The Arena, Daggerfall, Morrowind and Oblivion. Fortunately the first three are on PC (and easily attainable) and the BF just bought Oblivion for Xbox 360.

Here is where I ran into problems. The first game came out in 1994, and runs on a DOS system. There is a laptop at my parent's house that runs DOS, but I don't have the means to run this game on a floppy from my current PC. Nevermind, I said, I'll just play the Daggerfall. Same issue, not supported with my system. If I was really feeling ambitious, I would just load up an ISO of Windows95 in a virtual system, and go with it. But I'm feeling lazy right now, so it's onto Morrowind for me.

I haven't started, but the fact that the baby will move around inside gets distracting from things.

Which leads me to the next subject - birth control. I'll admit, I'm not strong on the subject, but I'm going to post my thoughts about it. Obviously the BF and I were not using any, I'm not on the pill, and condoms just kinda went out the window after a few months of being together (mostly because I broke up with my relationship that I had been living with as well, but that's a whole other thing). Every professional I've talked to has asked me what type of birth control I am going to be using after I have the baby. The breakdown is basically as follows: abstinence, condoms, the pill, the patch, nuvaring, or an intrauterine device (IUD).

The first two aren't going to work for me, mostly because I'm a very sexual being. I'll admit it, I don't have sex just to procreate, I'm not like many of my religious friends. Intimacy is a part of my relationship with my BF. I realize its going to change having a child, but I think he's sexy. He's hot. I like looking at him naked. Whatever, call me a nympho, I don't care. The next thing is with the patch and nuvaring - I intend to breastfeed. My mother did it with two children, I'm going to make time for it, its the cheapest way to feed a baby. The patch and nuvaring will dry your milk supply out, so those aren't an option.

I thought about the pill, but the idea of hormones, and the blood clots and the side effects - no thanks. I can barely remember to take a prenatal every day and I have an alarm in my phone for it. That leaves an IUD, which comes in a 5-year hormone variety or a 10-year non-hormone. I'm leaning towards the 10 year one, I don't want to pop out a kid every two years. Not to say I wouldn't want more than one child, but for sure not now.

Maybe this first pregnancy wasn't thought through, but the next one sure will be.

I had to discuss this with the BF, since we are still together, still like each other, and want to be parents together. It would most likely be his kid the next time around, don't need any more baby-daddies in my life. No way. But there you go - that's my thought. Condoms once I'm healed from childbirth, but something a little more successful.

On a more positive note. Had a huge fight with the BF - mostly regarding him forgetting to text when he's going to be late and hanging out with his toxic friends. Mostly resolved, but I still hate them. There has been one just bright spot in the past day or so.

"I don't foresee us breaking up, we're pretty awesome together."

Friday, July 29, 2011

I am so angry.

The BD got off of work at 5pm today. No big deal, sometimes we works late. 6:40ish I call him to see if he's going to make it home for dinner. Still busy at work.

No contact until this.

Me: I have come to the conclusion that a) you are cheating on me, b) you are somehow still stuck at work, c) hanging out with the terry squad, or d) some combination of the above. And to this I have to say - a) tell that stupid whore to get off of you, and she's as good as dead, b) grow a backbone and come home, c) lying by omission is still lying, d) don't bother coming home, just go fuck yourself 10:23 PM
Sean: I was working till about 8, then I hung out with my dad till about 9 30, then went to steak n' shake with the squad and am leaving now. Was gonna tell ya 10:26 PM
Sean: but I hopped in the car and was driving then I was eating. :/ 10:26 PM
Sean: No cheating, I promise. I love you way to much to do such a thing. 10:27 PM

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

New Apartment

It's true. The move is over, everything is out of the old place, and it's just down to the new place. All I have to do is get a coffee table and a couch and that's all. I'm searching craigslist cause I don't want to just get something new. Especially because furniture is so expensive. And I'm just so cheap.

And I've been washing all sorts of blankets and everything around the apartment. Everything needs to be clean. Not like I won't just clean it again before the baby appears.

Had some fun messing with the fetus last night. The BF was just tapping my stomach, and she was moving in response. It was really interesting, didn't realize that was really possible.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Why I don't post on Facebook

This is a pretty simple thing, mostly because I don't force people to read my thoughts here. You come here, you choose to read what's happening in my life. I don't need to broadcast across the world how pissed off about something I am.

Mostly because I'm a straight forward person. I call it how I see it, I'm not typical with the social padding that seems to surround so many people. My friends call me a bitch when I act like one, they tell me when I make bad decisions. My friends are honest with me.

So, when someone is hanging over my shoulder (like my sister likes to do when anyone is on the computer) I tell them to not hover. When someone is going to act like a douchebag, I tell them.

I'm insensitive, but you will get honesty from me. Is that so much to ask? Sorry I'm a person that doesn't want to sugar-coat your life.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Baby Parties

It's that time. Time to start work on the baby shower things. Sucks that I had to do this, but I sent out a mass facebook message to the people that I thought would want to come.

It's been a day of messages. Which the outpour of support is nice. I just wanted to see if people would come to GR or Midland for a party. And I didn't want to do a whole thing on facebook with an event since I don't quite know all the details yet. Mostly because I'm just not a party person anymore. The planning and inviting and the people with the food.

Too much. Thanks.

I guess I hated the fact I can't keep close enough contact with a lot of my friends to warrant a phone call about the baby thing. It's just I'm too weirdly busy with crap and can't just sit down and tell my friends. Or the fact that I have too many facebook friends I just don't want to tell. People that I don't mind if they perv on my life, but a the same time, I don't want them all up in my business.

Anyway - sometime in Octember there will be a party. Letting the grandmas plan it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


I hate it when the baby decides not to move. It's super annoying.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Moving, but not packing

The one week and one week countdown to the move is on. I am having such issues getting started on packing. I can't pack the most of the stuff because it is dishes and the like. There are so many books, and baby stuff keeps multiplying around here like rabbits. All the clothing is so small, and everything that would hold a baby is so big.

I need to go out and buy new rubbermaid totes to put all my stuff in. And now I have even more furniture than I did when I move last time. It's just not fun, and I can't lift any of my own stuff. So much to do, and I need to clean the place.

On top of that, I've been overly emotional this past week. I've been feeling the baby move, and it is just weird. But last night I managed to get the BF to feel it through the layer of fat on my stomach. It's just getting a little overwhelming and I'm just not ready for this baby thing yet. There is just too much, and I'm trying to do the whole baby registry thing. I hate trying to arrange parties, I suck at them, and I hate doing the invite thing. It's no fun for me - my idea of fun is going to work.

I want to go back to work more. I hate only being an office jockey right now. I want to get back to helping people and the crazies that bust their heads into walls. I miss it, and this is so stupid right now.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Why I love my BD.

Well, there are two quotes that have just made me realize how much I love this guy I'm with.

First, we were going to sleep, but I was being obnoxious. I'll preface this with a, my man is biracial, and he doesn't sound ghetto at all. So, when this happened I just lost it.  

Me: *poking and tickling*
BF: Stop, it's time for sleeping.
Me: *continues*
BF: *grabs a pillow and hits me with every word* LET A NIGGA SLEEP, WOMAN!

Me: *whining* Why won't you let me come with you?
BF: Because.
Me: Why?
BF: Because you are a sadistic, narcoleptic, fire-breathing dragon.

Maybe I'm the only one that finds these hilariously funny.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Weirdest Party Ever

So, first off I am updating from the BF's droid. Small ass keyboard.

Second I'm at the bar. Don't jnudge it's legit. One of the BF's friends had a son born June 10th. He was two months early, and he passed away earlier today. It's hard to be super excited about being pregnant.

But it is reallyputting things in perspective. I guess we are just lucky to be doing so well. And I get to take advantage of a drunk boyfriend later.

BF's friend is very supportive, and I hope things get better for him. Just taking a look at what more I can do to take better care of the baby. And maybe there is nothing you can do. Stuff happens.

Anyone else out there pregnant - just good luck.

Moving up?

It's official. I am moving in with the BF on July 23rd. I have a week to get out of the old place and into the new, but that's not a big deal. Its over on the SE side of GR, which will be a nice change from the weirdness that is Walker. Since I'm not going back to GVSU anytime soon, it will be nice to just find a better place to try and raise a kid for a little bit.

Hopefully there is a house somewhere in the future. But I need a full-time job. :/

I found something that I want after I have the baby. It's called 'Whipped Lightning,' and its booze infused whipped cream. How perfect would that be on some ice cream, or just a shot in the looks so delicious and I want it.

Still a closet alcoholic, I know. But one can dream, right?

And onto our next topic, I keep having dreams about the baby. Last night it was a dream about this killer that was wandering around where I worked. He was a repair man, but I looked at his jumpsuit and it had the Aperture logo on it. And apparently I was the only person that seemed to realize that it wasn't a real place. So I had to send my new baby away with the BF and live in fear that this guy was going to find me because I was the only one that realized he was the murderer.

All I could think about was how much I missed my kid, and wanted to be back with my family. It was awful.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Ultrasound Results

It's a girl. 

First off - ultrasounds are a bitch. 32 oz of water an hour before and you have to hold it through the appointment. I didn't, I couldn't, it hurt too much. And I still had to pee like a racehorse afterwards. Not cool, it's torture. It's like, oh, she got knocked up, time for some humiliation from a medical professional on top of waddling through the goddamn hospital. And the prodding of the thing on your stomach doesn't effing help. Here, let me press on your bladder a little bit, oooh look at the baby that is dancing on top of it. 

I can't feel it move. Or if I am, I can't tell if it's still hunger blurps rather than baby doing the disco.

And there is a stereotypical uterus picture. Don't worry, I'm not going to post it up on facebook. Facebook is not the place for baby-bumps, drunk duck faces, making out with your significant other, or ultrasound pictures. I'm happy for that, but that and some of the insane day by day wedding and baby countdown things. Just silly sometimes.

Facebook is for communication, not for flaunting your personal life. People should really take more care with themselves. I used to be one of those people, writing notes about my love life, posting pictures of everything and anything. Now...the people I choose to keep close with I reach out to. Not with a post on the wall, but something private because maybe I don't have a working phone number for them anymore, or because I don't have their e-mails. 

It's one thing to be proud. But keep it off of facebook, the same way I don't want to see my friends sticking their tongues down their significant other's throats, your baby bump must look awesome in person. And that is the only way I ever want to see it. 

If this offends you, good. Take it to heart and get just that little bit more classy. I'm not one to talk, I used to get blackout pass out on the floor drunk, I used to be that person. 

Wow, that was quite the rant. Hm.

But here is a picture of my kid, if you don't want to see it, that's fine. Just close out the window. I'm one of those stereotypical moms. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Stereotypical Things

Since becoming pregnant, I have decided to venture out into that unknown world of "Mommy-bloggers." Mostly because I want to see what I "should" be writing about. Mostly because I feel as though I don't exactly cater to the normal pregnant woman.

I think what half annoys me and half intrigues me are the "baby's first outfit" posts. These vary from a little dress, frilly things, a hand sewn object, to something as simple as gym shorts with the hubby's favorite team. How cute is that? Not like there is anything wrong with being proud - that's not what I'm saying at all.

I'm barfing on the inside. But I was feeling kind of left out. I don't have a lot of clothes for my for now gender neutral child-to-be. So, to all those moms out there with your overly cute sickeningly stereotypical blog posts, keep your silly little onesies. Your child is going to look like an amorphous blob.

My kid is the Goddamn Batman.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Surges of Hormones

Had one of those estrogen surges today. I decided to take a weekend to see my family in Indy - basically my sister/cousin and just endless hangouts. Friday and Saturday went pretty fine, we watched a metric fuckton of Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, played some Little Big Planet (which was highly entertaining because it is really absolutely nothing), and played Arkahm Horror.

Arkham Horror is a crazy complicated game with a 1920s with an HP Lovecraft god that was ready to enter the world and destroy everything. It's an amazing creep fest, and almost every turn there are more gates opening to another world, bringing in monsters and shit just gets super real. The middle part was hard because we got stuck unable to do anything, but the end was pretty cool. I think the best part is there is a chance you can pick an evil Lovecraftian god that has this power, "Azathoth enters your world. All the players are devoured and the game ends."

Does it get any better? Utter destruction if you fail! Fantastic!

Then tonight happened. We were in the middle of a D&D boardgame called Castle Ravenloft. It was alright, I got to be GLITTERBANG the GOBLIN SORCERER! And I was attacking at crazy ranges. Very happy in the end. The problem really happened when my Aunt and her sister (unrelated to me, Aunt-in-law?) started watching some baby movie with Katherine Heigl. It was about this unmarried couple with friends that left a baby to them when they died.

It was too much for me. The baby crying, the arguments between the couple, I just was hit with a wave of, "I can't do this."

And that's all I can think about now. A baby. A whole fleshy, pooping, crying, pink bundle of trouble that is a baby. I'm so overwhelmed.

But it's back to Harvey Birdman and watermelon gushers. Hopefully this feeling will go away.