I know it isn't customary to get a child a birthday present until she's been alive a year, but I just couldn't resist. This is the same book my dad read to me growing up, and now I have my own copy.
Happy belated birthday, my little raptor.
As I struggle with new parenthood, I have a few observations. Post partem Kal sucks to be around. I thought I was frustrating before with the placenta, but I had no idea. I burst into tears for no reason, get irrationally angry, and can't manage to let anyone else touch my kid.
The past few nights have been tough, especially with the family stuff and having my parents come to GR. My dad cooked us dinner, and it went pretty smoothly until my sister started to feel left out. Shecaused a scene, and when I asked them to take thro fighting outside so I could calm down and feed Z, they flat out out ignored me.
So Z and I packed up and hid in the bedroom. Sean nearly yelled at my parents for making me upset. But more drama avoided.
My dad finally met her. I think that bucket of crazy is over.
Went to Sean's parents house later in the evening. At first that was stressful - all the kids want to tell my BF about what new level in Skyrim they are, what new armor they found, and don't have good volume contol. But as soon as Grandma and grandbaby were united everything calmed down. I burst into tears because of the stress, but I also got to talk to Grandma about baby stuff, my own issues. She asked me if I was going to start pumping breast milk pretty hesitantly. I am, I just didn't want to start too early and have my body go - "hold up, this feels like two babies, MAKE ALL MILK!"
And when I say you are what you eat, I had cheesecake and cherry pie....and now I have a fussy baby that hasn't had that much sufar by proxy.
More triptophan, less sugar tomorrow. Damn holidays that keep you fat.
Edit: Thank you smartphone for cleaning up my language.
Alright, you caught me. The hospital wasn't drama free. We actually had some family issues, that really could have totally been avoided if communication was a little more open.
p, my mom and sister drove from Midland to hang out in the hospital with us. I didn't want to have bunches of people in and out the entire time, so I wanted to limit visitors to 2 outside Manda and Sean. Which was ok by me when his family stopped by, but then paraded though all awkward like.
Which led to this messafe from his mother that to me said - "Sorry for intruding on your new family, but Kal hates us and we don't like her either." It didn't say that exactly, but that was my interpretation.
We avoided the subject until my BF's friend finally went over to ask why she was so angry. She was upset that the kids didn't get to hold Zelda in the hospital and that my family didn't leave to go e them time. Which irritated me, because my family would have taken an hour to leave if she had said something/made a plan.
But, I invited them over after getting home, and only one uncle hasn't seen Zelda. Maybe I'm just too prickly, according to my mother. I feel like all I do is try to blend with the family. Yes, I have trouble with what my role is with the hoard of children. I'm not their peers, I'm not their friends (ish, there are two I would consider friends), and they aren't my siblings. I don't know how to act, so, I'm prickly and guarded.
There is just one thing that just kills me. One of Sean's brothers has this 'total catch' of a girlfriend. She does the same activities as his sister, she's friends with all the kids and (I'm a total bitch to say this but) perfect high school horse girl. I don't know her well, but I constantly feel inferrior to her.
I'm a catch. I play three instruments, speak/sign three languages, hold down three jobs, (what the help is wrong with me, AR about the number 3 much?), have a college degree, can produce viable (and cute) offspring, and endure the pain of childbirth without medication. I think I deserve some credit. I'm no tiffany, but I am by no means Emily.
Now that its been settled, I can go back to trying to be as me as possible around them.
In other more baby related news, newborns are difficult, and my emotions are the craziest things ever. Our first night home was awful. Z was up for three hours straight, and I was alternating breasts for feeding every half hour. She didn't calm down, and at about 3a I just lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably, and held her close and just apologized that I couldn't fix it and how sorry I was she was so upset.
And of course, at that moment Z burps and quiets down for a second. I looks into her eyes, and gave her another boon. We made it, and I got to nap all yesterday with her on my lap. Feed, sleep, feed, sleep. I love my rocker recliner. Let bout wasn't too bad until 6a. Mostly because she had been feeding every hour, and I just couldnt fall asleep fast enough to catch up. But I got in a showe and this morning we are off to the doctor for her first visit!
I love my daughter. She has Daddy's ears, but my dimples.
|6cm dilated - only pregnant picture. Oops.|
|Zelda Skye Keckler - 6lbs 13oz, 18.5in|
7:41p 18 November 2011
|Aunt Amanda and Zelda! That hat is way too big, but still cute.|
|Daddy and Zelda together at the same time.|
|Zelda and Mommy, we were pretty tired.|
|And they called her 'jaundiced.' Must get it from Daddy. :P|
|Welcome to the world, Zelda.|
20 Nov 2011
At about 9pm last night, I started having contractions. They were in my lower back, and were happening about five minutes apart. So, I call the hospital, my mom, and then my doctor. They said wait an hour or so, if it continues, then go into the ER.
They didn't stop, so at about 11:15p, we head on in. I get into a gown, they hook me up to the monitor and check my cervix. 2cm dialated, baby's heartbeat is good, still no change in contraction.
Fast forward to 1a, check my cervix again and no changed. Doctor says to go home, and here I am. At home. Still contracting every five minutes and miserable.
How the fuck am I supposed to sleep?
Edit: I have acquired some doctor approved generic brand unisol sleep aid, and a king size kit-Kat bar. Hopefully I'll sleep.
I am miserable. Woke up this morning with the tightness in my throat that says, guess what, in two days you are going to be laid up sick with a cold.
Add that to the labor set up my body is doing, and there is a recipe for disaster. Since the plug passed, I've had this awful muscus drainage which means one thing - cervix is open for business. My back hurts, I can't sleep for longer than a three hour period before waking up.
I just want to lay in bed all day.
But I need to pack my hospital bag, get a picture of myself pregnant, and install the car seat base in the bf's car. Mostly because I've been procrastinating. And go shopping for a nursing bra. Might just hit up the local target, just something for right now.
Other than that, so ready to be done with pregnancy.
Doo di doo, doo. Doo di doo di doo. Doo di doo, doo. Doo di doo doo di doo.
Ok, I'm not fantastic at the singing, but hopefully I primed your brain so that sounded right.
No worries, I am not in labor right now. Though I think posting a blog mid push would be way too entertaining. Nope, I just loss the cervical mucus plug, the barrier between my baby and he harmful bacteria of the outside world. Amneotic fluid is still entact, baby is still moving. But its coming down to the last of the last.
I'm feeling super nervous, mostly because skyrim just came out, and I want to go play it while I have time. But eight in the morning seems a little too hardcore to start...so I'm trying to hold out.
Manda is coming in a week. I just want to get in two more work days before I have this baby. Need that last bit of money. Oh well, as everyone keeps telling me. She's not going to be early or late, she will arrive on her birthday.
After the whole debocle with birthing classes being canceled, and insurance being declined, the BF and I finally got to go to classes. It was a two-day extravaganza taking over Friday night and Saturday. I think the weirdest part as the fact that all he other couples were most likely ten years older than us. One couple was cool, laughed, joked and were fun to talk to. But most every other couple didn't want to get to know anyone else.
What I found strange was the fact that two couples had moved back to MI to start a family. That's right, two families moved back to a state with one of the highest unemployment rates in the country to start a family. I'm confused, but people can be such homebodies. The only other couple I know ran away to TN and are staying there to have a baby (btw she writes a great blog about their journey). Which leaves me wondering how many younger couples do come back to get the family support?
I guess because I left home and started fresh in GR. It's were I live, work, my friends are here (during the school year at least, I am making more adult friends. Which is nice, I miss my young college friends, but meeting people that don't move away for holidays is nice.
In other news, got a fancy new phone all complete with android and smartness. Which is actually where I wrote this from. And now that I don't have four jobs, I have had time to dedicate to NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). 1666 wordsa day for 30 days. So far, I'm on track with 11,000 something words. And super excited to keep writing.
Well, 38 weeks along, and my cervix is all sorts of closed up. Not effaced, not dialated, baby is staying right where she is. I'm just ready to drop, hurting all over and feeling fat. I got an exercise ball to keep at my desk and do strengthening exercises. Oh well, the time is ticking down, and I have a full term baby.
Boom bitches, let's get it on.