Alright, you caught me. The hospital wasn't drama free. We actually had some family issues, that really could have totally been avoided if communication was a little more open.
p, my mom and sister drove from Midland to hang out in the hospital with us. I didn't want to have bunches of people in and out the entire time, so I wanted to limit visitors to 2 outside Manda and Sean. Which was ok by me when his family stopped by, but then paraded though all awkward like.
Which led to this messafe from his mother that to me said - "Sorry for intruding on your new family, but Kal hates us and we don't like her either." It didn't say that exactly, but that was my interpretation.
We avoided the subject until my BF's friend finally went over to ask why she was so angry. She was upset that the kids didn't get to hold Zelda in the hospital and that my family didn't leave to go e them time. Which irritated me, because my family would have taken an hour to leave if she had said something/made a plan.
But, I invited them over after getting home, and only one uncle hasn't seen Zelda. Maybe I'm just too prickly, according to my mother. I feel like all I do is try to blend with the family. Yes, I have trouble with what my role is with the hoard of children. I'm not their peers, I'm not their friends (ish, there are two I would consider friends), and they aren't my siblings. I don't know how to act, so, I'm prickly and guarded.
There is just one thing that just kills me. One of Sean's brothers has this 'total catch' of a girlfriend. She does the same activities as his sister, she's friends with all the kids and (I'm a total bitch to say this but) perfect high school horse girl. I don't know her well, but I constantly feel inferrior to her.
I'm a catch. I play three instruments, speak/sign three languages, hold down three jobs, (what the help is wrong with me, AR about the number 3 much?), have a college degree, can produce viable (and cute) offspring, and endure the pain of childbirth without medication. I think I deserve some credit. I'm no tiffany, but I am by no means Emily.
Now that its been settled, I can go back to trying to be as me as possible around them.
In other more baby related news, newborns are difficult, and my emotions are the craziest things ever. Our first night home was awful. Z was up for three hours straight, and I was alternating breasts for feeding every half hour. She didn't calm down, and at about 3a I just lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably, and held her close and just apologized that I couldn't fix it and how sorry I was she was so upset.
And of course, at that moment Z burps and quiets down for a second. I looks into her eyes, and gave her another boon. We made it, and I got to nap all yesterday with her on my lap. Feed, sleep, feed, sleep. I love my rocker recliner. Let bout wasn't too bad until 6a. Mostly because she had been feeding every hour, and I just couldnt fall asleep fast enough to catch up. But I got in a showe and this morning we are off to the doctor for her first visit!
I love my daughter. She has Daddy's ears, but my dimples.