Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Does the Internet Make Bad Parents?

I spend too much time on the internet. I spend too much time on my smartphone. I spend too much time doing things for me than for my daughter.

Even with this confession, I am not on twitter or facebook or whatever as much as I see some mom bloggers posting. I don't have time to sit on twitter all day, and that got me wondering, how much time are you really spending with your child if you are tweeting all day and posting blog post after blog post. Is it all during nap time? Are they in school all day?

I can't stand to sit on twitter all day and follow all the party invites for BlogHer 2012. I just don't care. I don't spend all day on my computer (though today may be different, it is almost 5am and I can't sleep). How can you justify so much time on a twitter stream and not on your child - don't you people have a life?

I for one do. I have two jobs, breastfeed exclusively, keep up with a blog and barely touch a twitter. I have too much in my life to sit on twitter all day waiting for something to happen.

And for that matter, twitter parties are bad, and you should feel bad.

Monday, July 30, 2012

'Traditional' Marriage

There is a lot of bigotry in America. Westboro Baptist Church, Boy Scouts of America, and even fast food chains (yes Chick-fil-a) have come out in 'support of traditional marriage.'

Well, in civilized society we call that hate. If you want to take a gander at the picture that I have posted from http://robertcargill.com/. These are all traditional biblical marriages.

Guess what, when I was a sophomore in college I was raped - according to the 'biblical standard' of marriage, the men who raped me should have paid my father a fine and married me.

I am horrified that such an outdated and misogynistic book dictates so many lives.

I'm not saying I'm going to go out of my way to purchase only 'gay friendly' products from companies, but I can for sure say that I won't be supporting companies (or people for that matter) that are so hateful, ignorant, and bigoted. I don't support Apple (even though they love the gays), but for all those christians that use an iphone, well, looks like its time to find a new provider, right? Time to stop using amazon.com, they just pledge to help grant equal rights to all humans in the US. Switch over to Yahoo, because Google and Bing both support equal rights.

And my favorite so far, is that Disney supports same-sex marriage, and have you noticed how many non-traditional couples there are, how many single parents or orphaned children as well?

Yeah, it's just one other company. But seriously, it's time we all got along. My marriage (or lack thereof) isn't going to break up anyone else's marriage, why do so many straight (white and christian) feel the need to put limits on something that doesn't even apply to them.

Finally - it's all about choice. Companies can choose what they donate to. But guess what, you can't choose to be gay, or choose to be straight. You can choose your religion (or lack thereof, guess I'm not going to be a popular parent), choose what you spend your money on, but quit trying to choose for everyone.

TL; DR Shame on you Chick-fil-a. Shame on you Boy Scouts.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

No Cry Sleep "Solution"

I caved and went to B&N today and purchase a real, paper-and-ink book. It by parenting educator Elizabeth Pantley, because I just hit a roadblock when it comes to Zelda. She wakes up (it seems like) constantly during the night, always is nursing to sleep, and cry-it-out a) doesn't work for her, b) makes me feel like a bad parent. I can't stand to let her cry because now she stands and shakes the crib bars, so she has been sleeping in bed with us.

Not that I don't like co-sleeping, because I do. I just want to be able to put her in her own bed, and not have to be constantly worried about her at night.

I picked up this book The No Cry Sleep Solution, because it was recommended by some women in my breastfeeding group. The Dr told us to let Z cry-it-out, and I am sick of 'living with it.' Therefore, we are going to try something different.

We aren't starting right away, I just read the first few chapters and we need to do some ground work - sleep logs and such to get a real idea of her schedule. The average baby her age sleeps (8-9mo) 14 hours during 24, and I'm sure Z doesn't get that. I went to Pantley's website and decided to download all the logs so that I can track everything for real. This would be a lot easier if I were a stay-at-home parent, but alas.

Sean and I decided that we are going to start this after we get back from NYC next week. Yeah buddy, going to BlogHer 2012! I'm still freaking but at least I know it will be fun. After travelling it will be sleep solution time for Z.

Friday, July 27, 2012

I need to delete something

I discovered instagram.

I hate it, yet I can't stop using it. I think I do it wrong though, instead of just posting pictures of random things and my lunch - I posted up a pictures of Zelda and my scratches from work.

And I have that damn twitter too.

Twitter is hard. I don't sit on it all day, I have a baby and a life - plus I can't tweet with a game controller in my hands. And I don't understand the 'hashtags.' Are they supposed to come in the middle of your tweet so it flows, or at  the end? I think if it is in the middle it's more clever, shows you took time to think about your idea, but at the end just in case it was such a good idea you needed to spit it out.

My facebook is still gone. Don't miss that at all.

I like G+.

I hate social media - but if I want to stay relevant, exciting, I need to be over sharing my life on every channel. Maybe lifetime will pick up my boring life and turn it into a movie. That's what I hated about facebook, and now I'm doing it.

I should delete all things. Twitter, instagram, google+, and even my deviant art, just for good measure.

I'm so fucking hypocritical. And I'm no better than anyone else. Maybe I should be Amish.

Minus the god part.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Pinching and Biting

I have a squirmy baby. She doesn't like sitting with me, but she likes being carried around while I try to get things done. It's great having a child that can move, mostly because then she can follow me into the kitchen and scream that she wasn't happy that I put her down surrounded by all her toys - how cruel am I?

I've just been having some issues with breastfeeding. My supply has been super low, and that makes me uneasy. I talked to a few of my other friends that are nursing, and they said I can go as long as I want to. There is no judgement, but I also don't want a toddler coming up during dinner and lifting my shirt for a snack. Recently Z has taken to pinching me while nursing.

Yup, the biting happens when she bored, and pinching when she's just laying there. It's like she enjoys the feel of my skin between her fingers. So, when she does it, I pull her off, tell her no and sit her on the ground. Which causes crying because she HATES that. I feel bad, pick her back up, and it's back to the pinching. She does it when she isn't nursing sometimes too. All I can think about is some of the kids I work with - did they start pinching this early? Because if so, how the fuck do I stop it? I can't just punish Z - she's a baby. She barely understands words let alone 'no.'

And Sean thinks we should start weaning because my milk supply is low. But I think I'm going to adopt a different approach to weaning, aka, rather than thinking of it as eliminating breastfeeding, but more as adding complementary foods. Zelda loves food, squishing it in her fingers, chewing on plums, toast, anything she can get her little mini-pincer grasp on she will put in her mouth. I don't want to give up nursing, it's my time with her, and she likes cuddling.

Oh well. When Sean starts lactating he can start making the rules, right?

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Milk Truck

As you probably know, I'm a 'lactivist.' I breastfeed and I encourage all my friends, neighbors, family etc to support breastfeeding moms and a breastfeeding supportive society. I just found a site for The Milk Truck. Essentially it's a truck that drives around waiting for mother that have been harassed/accosted for breastfeeding in public, and providing support and a comfortable place for them to breastfeed.

We need one of these in every city. Now I need to make a plan to get one.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Letting Go and Rearranging

Well, a few things happened today. First, I cleaned off my desk. I cleaned out the drawers, and I stuffed everything into boxes as if I were moving. I'm not moving, but my desk is. It was a cheap conquest from craig's list, so I am getting used to the idea of just letting it go. I don't use it, I'm not in school right now, and Sean said that if I go back I can get a new one.

So, goodbye desk. I did order a new organization thing, but it was broken upon arrival. I was kind of upset about it, because I wanted to start organize the paper clips and the pins and odds and ends. But, I can't so I'll just procrastinate on it again. Another time I will go through all my boxes and such and organize the cords into the drawers later. Oh, well.

And tomorrow we are rearranging the living room, making it a little more accessible, and doing something different. It will be nice. But I just can't sleep. :/

Friday, July 13, 2012

Reclaiming Me

I took a huge step today, and I'm officially coming out (again). I came out as bisexual when I was a junior in highschool, and redefined myself as a pansexual during college. Sexuality and relationships have become fluid  for me, and some out there might call me a slut for it.

Well, that's fine with me. I am reclaiming once derogatory terms for myself. The first is Fat.  Second is Queer. The last one is Slut.

I believe that sex represents more than just the creation of children.
I believe it is an enjoyable, healthy and a profound part of the human experience.
I also believe that the responsible use of birth control is an essential component of a mature, civilized society.
And if these beliefs make me a slut in some people's eyes, then so be it.
I will stand united with my fellow sluts, now and always

Questions? Well, this is where the oath came from.
I'm sure most of these aren't really a surprise to most of you reading here. I'm finding my way each day, and becoming happier with who I really am. 

This was brought on because of a book I read a while ago The Ethical Slut. I liked it, and gave me a lot to think about. I think my next step is going to be attaining a copy of The God Delusion. Oh man, all this reading and free thinking has got me in the mood for a run. Tomorrow morning, it's on like Donkey Kong!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Walking Baby

Everyone says, "7 and a half months is too early to walk!" Well, haters gonna hate, my baby can walk.

Family 4th of July

This year for the fourth of July, Zelda, Sean and I went to Midland. It was an interesting visit. Zelda and I went over on Tuesday and spent the night, Sean came on Wednesday then we all went back to GR on Thursday so I could get to work on time.

Oh, and Zelda started walking this week. Totally blew my mind. We were at a friends house (Tony and Jane and their son Xander), and Z decided for whatever reason, she was going to stand and take four steps. I was shocked. She's just too small to be doing that sort of stuff. It's funny because her thing is taking a step with only her right foot, so she ends up going in a half circle before falling down. Her balance isn't that good, so she get's four to six steps at a time, but I can tell she's much happier being more mobile.

Back to Midland story. I got to meet my sister's cat, Loki. It was a crazy trip. I got to see my sister is full pre-teen blowout mode. I wasn't sure who she was anymore, she used to be a wild child, but this was something I had never seen before. I've screamed and cried at my parents, but this was just ridiculous.

Zelda's special outfit.
Zelda and Loki.
There are a few reasons why I don't see my family, mostly because it gets a little dramatic. I love my family, but they are so emotionally draining, and I do everything in my life to not have people that put too much strain on me. I don't talk to people that have drama - it doesn't work for me anymore. But it's my family. I can't just not talk to them, I can limit the time with them. But I'm not part of the drama, my life is mine, Sean and Zelda are my stress, not theirs.

The fireworks were super fun though, we went to the Country Club and sat on the golf course and watched. Way less stressful than going to the Tridge, and easy to get home. We got home and Donnie got to do his thing with the kids in the neighborhood and do fireworks in the street. He didn't expect Sean to bring out the big guns and big fireworks. It was all fine and dandy until some asshole down the street rolled up and told us we were rude.

Oh, ok. It's rude to shoot off firework on the 4th of July? Wow, get over it. 

Monday, July 9, 2012


I've been reading the Twitter, oh, sorry, 'following' the tweets of BlogHerTech and just saw a post about 'iphoneography' classes. That's right, iPhone-photography classes. Classes. For taking pictures with your iPhone.

That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Classes for taking pictures with your phone. I can't even believe it. How bad are people with technology that you need a class on pressing a button. Obviously they aren't professionals if they are using their phones to take pictures.


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Being Happy Alone

Completed the first week of couch to 5k. Hard, but it's time to ramp it up for this week.

I have lost myself in the role of 'mom.' I haven't taken enough time for me, no matter how many 'days off' I have, I haven't done something just for me.

Last night I went to an auction, a friend of a friend's husband died and she was holding an auction to sell her things and a bunch of people from her community donated goods and services (one girl auctioned herself off as a burlesque show) to help pay medical bills. It was a riot, I got to hang out with some friends I hadn't seen in a long time, and I learned a little bit about myself.

I need to find time for being me, without Sean, without Zelda, and I need to learn to be happy being just me.

Also, I picked up half a third shift last night, 3a-7a. Why? Because I had a friend in need. Because I had the time, and because people get screwed at work. Because I got to play Skyrim for a few hours and get paid for it. I got to come home to see Zelda asleep on the floor.

This is what happens when I'm gone. Yes, she is cuddling a clean diaper.
It was nice to come home and get Zelda ready before Grandma Kat and Grandpa Frank came to pick her up. I was supposed to work this weekend, but they took her, and I got a nap, and a shower, and dishes done, and I might even get a chance to go play some Dawnguard while I wait for her to get home.

Back to the point of this post - I need to find happiness alone. I haven't been single in years, and I feel as though I have lost myself in my relationships and my new family. I love being a mom, I love being able to give to my family, but it's not all of my identity. I'm not a house-wife, I'm not a stay-at-home-mom. I like working, I like going out with friends even though I don't drink.

Who am I? What truly makes me happy? What do I need to make myself happy? How can I be happy without using anyone else? I don't have any definitive answers. But maybe going out without Sean is a start. Maybe having a day to myself doing nothing but napping and showering is what makes me happy. I don't know.