Sunday, October 28, 2012

Before and After

Finally came to a resolution with Sean. He gets Z once a week and in the mornings when I go to work. After all the drama, the hurt feelings and everything, I hope that is enough time for Zelda to spend with her dad. I wish there was a way to make it easier, but Sean and I have been talking more frequently.

Before we just were in a rut. We were stuck doing the same thing all the time. After the constant anger and frustration, we finally are coming to a point where we can be civil. And I'll be honest. It was more me than him. I am crushed by the whole situation.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Review: Diary of a Submissive (NSFW)

In the wake of the popularity of "50 Shades of Gray," as part of the BHBC, here is a link to the campaign, I was asked to read "Diary of a Submissive" by Sophie Morgan. I'll honestly tell you that I read about half of 50 Shades, and wasn't impressed. The characters were awful, and the relationship depicted was horrifying. No one should ever date someone that hands over a Dominance and submission contract within the first week of meeting. NO ONE.

But onto DoaS. This is a memoir, not some cheap erotica with a girl begging to orgasm and petting her 'inner goddess' with her 'one twue dominate' every single page.

Oh, yeah, this is about BDSM. Not safe for work. In case you have any questions about BDSM, you can feel free to comment. Yes, I do consider myself part of the community. No, I do not consider myself a submissive. No, I don't consider myself a dominant. Anyhoo....

I loved this book. It give an accurate of one persons personal journey in the world of BDSM. No one's life is the same, and this is a perfect balance. Is there explict sex? Yes! Is it hot? Yes! But there is an actual life behind all of it, a woman with her own quirks and likes and job. This book truly show that not everyone into BDSM is twisted, or fucked up, or angry, or demonized. We are people, and this is one aspect of our lives.

The struggle of balancing the kink world with the real world, a 24/7 dynamic with a life is the story of Sophie Morgan. I thought it was provocative and amazing, much better than the drivel that is out there.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Change is Ok.

In spite of having one less parent in the home, Zelda seems to be doing just fine. She doesn't smile less, she plays more, and I feel like a better mom some days. I am still getting used to working full time, but I stopped pumping at work. It makes me sad, but I still breastfeed when I'm at home with Z. She will still get the antibodies and the helpful nutrients from me at least part of the time.

With all the new working and being away from her, I have had a hard time leaving her with Sean's parents. Last week she got the worst diaper rash I had ever seen. Every time I picked her up after work, it was obvious that she hadn't been changed recently. I was furious, beyond furious. Changing a diaper is a simple task for baby care. The fact that she got an awful rash was nothing short of neglect. So I started looking into daycare (because if I get mad I can at least report them), but it's so expensive.

Then I decided that maybe we should just make some other changes, to redo our budget. First is I'm going to take the dive into cloth diapering, more on that later. I am also going to stop buying meat, once the meat in our house is gone, Z and I will try some vegetarianism.

I'm hurting still. My heart aches, and the only thing I have to fill it is Z. I guess it could be worse.

Friday, October 5, 2012

How to Survive Heartbreak

Step One: Do the worst things for your body

1. Bake cookies and cakes
2. Eat ice cream
3. Cry
4. Scream
5. Mt. Dew

Step Two: Start making a change

1. File for child support
2. Look into getting sole custody
3. Rearrange the living room
4. Register for OkCupid

Step Three: Move on

1. Meaningless sex
2. Meaningful sex with friends you trust (yes, I just said have an orgy)
3. Don't ever forget what is important

I have made my changes for Zelda. I intend on keeping her, she is my daughter and I'm going to keep making choices that benefit her.