In spite of having one less parent in the home, Zelda seems to be doing just fine. She doesn't smile less, she plays more, and I feel like a better mom some days. I am still getting used to working full time, but I stopped pumping at work. It makes me sad, but I still breastfeed when I'm at home with Z. She will still get the antibodies and the helpful nutrients from me at least part of the time.
With all the new working and being away from her, I have had a hard time leaving her with Sean's parents. Last week she got the worst diaper rash I had ever seen. Every time I picked her up after work, it was obvious that she hadn't been changed recently. I was furious, beyond furious. Changing a diaper is a simple task for baby care. The fact that she got an awful rash was nothing short of neglect. So I started looking into daycare (because if I get mad I can at least report them), but it's so expensive.
Then I decided that maybe we should just make some other changes, to redo our budget. First is I'm going to take the dive into cloth diapering, more on that later. I am also going to stop buying meat, once the meat in our house is gone, Z and I will try some vegetarianism.
I'm hurting still. My heart aches, and the only thing I have to fill it is Z. I guess it could be worse.