Sunday, October 27, 2013

End of Displacement

I didn't want to jump the gun too much, but tomorrow we are finally signing on the house. The past two weeks have been a strain, but I'm lucky to say that we survived. My relationship with Sean's family survived, my relationship with Zelda survived, and best of all my relationship with Sean survived.

I expected this to go much worse. I expected a lot more fighting, more late nights, more waiting for the bathroom (though there was a metric fuckton of that). Even though I only have 6 dollars to my name until my next paycheck, but we can at least get in the house. We are borrowing a fridge in the mean time, and hopefully getting a washer soon, but we have enough to make it ours.

Plus having our own space. Yeah, buddy.

Just need to figure out water and internet, but I'm sure that will happen sometime this week. I'm not really worried about it, just excited to start chronicling my DIY stuff on the house. I think the biggest project will be the floors, but I'll make sure to keep track of things.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Death of the Garden

Remember when I said I was growing a garden?

With our displacement, everything is dead.

I'm kinda bummed.

Next year.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Displacement

It's time for me to be completely honest. I haven't been updating because we've been trying to buy a house. We decided last May that we wanted to get the search on, out lease was up July 31st, and wanted a fast turn around.

First we went to get a mortgage. I didn't want to set our expectations too high, so I wanted a ballpark of what price to look at. I planned to put a set amount down, and we got what quote we should look at. I didn't want to be put in a situation where we found a place, loved it, and told we couldn't afford it.

The first house we looked at was perfect. Good condition, much bigger than we expected, and right in the quote we were given. We made an offer, and the bank came back and told us that we couldn't afford it, set our quote for what we should look for down, and that we had to put three times as much as I had put away. I was furious, on top of that - I wasn't allowed to give Sean money for a down payment (since they wouldn't put me on the loan) because we weren't 'family.'

I'll save my rant about that for later.

The second house we looked at was doable. We didn't love it, but it was just ok. Made another offer, the seller rejected and we dropped it. The third house was unexpected. It was large enough, the right number of bedrooms, only one bathroom (bummer, but oh well), and right in our new price range. Again we made an offer, and the bank told us suddenly, we couldn't afford that either!

I was refered to a mortgage office, rather than a bank, and our offer was expected. It's four bedrooms, a HUD home, some minor repairs, and was told by HUD that there was some lead based paint issues. It would take about 4 weeks to complete.

Work on the house started July 31st. And guess what. We are now on week 11 of work being done on the house, no one will give me information, and our apartment told us that we had to sign a new lease or give a move out notice.

In three days we are moving out, not into the house that we have been busting to get since July, but into Sean's parents house.

I started using the term 'homeless' because technically we are now eligible for habitat for humanity, but I think its better to think of it as 'temporary displacement.' We are moving into a corner of the basement that is about as large as our current bedroom with eight other people in a two bedroom house.

Coming to terms with this has been really hard for me. I've been pretty independent for the past four years, and have done pretty well for myself. Sure, we're low-income, riding the poverty line, but I'm happy with how I live my life. It's not fancy trips to Disney every year, but we do get treated by my family. I always have a place to stay in California if I want to plan a trip, I always have a place to stay in Virginia, and I always have a place to stay in Indy.

Most importantly I have a place to stay with Z and Sean. I'm going to try and not complain.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Long Needed Catch Up

My phone is broken, which is causing some problems for adding pictures to my posts. But I can still post to instagram, but as far has posting to the cloud....not so much. Also, I deleted Twitter from my phone so I wouldn't look anymore. I don't really feel like I'm missing a whole lot, mostly because of Z.

Everyday she has a new word. She can recognize most of the family by name and picture. She repeats me exactly, and every movement she sees. If I get a playful smack from Sean to move out of the way, suddenly I get a small hand on my legs. "Stop, stop!" she'll say, then in a low whisper, "Stop it." It's hilarious, but we always have to watch our actions. She learns so much from everything we say and do.

I realized this the most when Sean upgraded his phone. Z now has his Droid, pulls up an app called "Dragon" which does voice commands and such. She'll press it and say "dragon" to try and wake it up so it will respond to her. It doesn't work for her just yet, but still. "Dragon," "princess," and "pirate" are her new words. I am so ecstatic that she knows what all these things are.

Side note, Z is trying to potty train herself. Since I started doing cloth diapers part time - and doing disposables at night, she will say "potty" and take herself to the bathroom. We had been doing some training with words, learning 'wet,' 'poopy' and that. But we are going to hopefully be moving soon, and didn't want to train her then have her regress. The problem is that she is ready to be potty trained, poops and pees in the toilet at least once a day, and doesn't want to be in diapers. I've been leaving her mostly naked (since it's been 90 here in MI?!?! WHAT THE HELL).

My baby is smart, and I am so lucky to have her.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Vacation From Baby

Sean and I decided to let Z go to fair with his parents this week. They are into equestrian and rodeo kinds of things and they go every year. This year they thought it would be less of a hassle with child care not to drive an hour out to drop her off and an hour back.

I packed up a weeks worth of clothes, diapers, wipes, shoes, socks, sunscreen and bug spray, spent three hours with her until she fell asleep in my arms, then let her get packed up in the car.

There have been at least three 'cry-attacks' since then. I feel empty and hurt, and I wish I didn't have to work so I didn't have to go through this. But it's good to have time away from your kids, right? It's good to have time to do laundry, put away dishes, vacuum and stuff.

But I'd rather be yelling at her to stop jumping on my couch and climbing on the coffee table right now.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Half-Abortion

http://www.parents.com/blogs/dadabase/2011/08/14/deep-thoughts/the-half-abortion-only-keeping-one-twin/

Read this article.

No seriously, read it. Does it make sense to you?

I agree with having the choice for abortion - I am pro-choice. But I also consider myself pro-quality-of-life. I do believe that the quality of the life that is saved should be taken into consideration. That is why I am not pro-birth. I don't think every fetus that is conceived should be born - and there are many factors for why a fetus should and shouldn't be aborted.

If I was unsure of being able to provide for a child, I would have aborted, I would have made different choices. But I can care for my child (with help from the government, family, and Sean's family). Z's quality of life is pretty high.

There it is. Be careful, there is a distinct difference between pro-life and pro-birth.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Weaning

Zelda hasn't breast fed in a week.

She turned 19 months this week, and last Friday I said, "This is the last time I am going to breast feed her." Each night she crawls into my lap and signs 'milk' then 'please.' It breaks my heart when I say, "No more, boobie broken."

"Boobie broken," feels more like "Mommy broken." She screams on my lap until she finally lays her head down and falls asleep.

I just couldn't do it any more. My nipples are sensitive, I am done leaking, and honestly she doesn't need it. I didn't have Magic Boob that just instantly put her to sleep. Z doesn't nurse in the middle of the night, and she doesn't need boob to fall asleep.

So I treasure the minutes she sleeps with me, the cuddles that happen in the middle of the night, and the 'hi!' that wakes me in the morning sometimes.

The real sadness comes from the fact that this may be the only child I every breastfeed. That I am not going to have this stage of my life again. I'm not intending to have another child, so my pregnancy and breastfeeding is over. And that's it.

I gave everything I could to Zelda. And I hope that I am doing right by her by saying is't time to be done.

"Boobie broken," but that doesn't mean I love her any less.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

My Home Garden 1

Alright, you caught me. I have been trying to grow my own food. Mostly I have been using the tutorials of 17 apart which I found through my friend Meg's blog minimeg. She needs to have children and start making super cute stuff for them. SERIOUSLY! I really like the graphics and the variety of things, and I also don't have to get into pintrest.

Not that I'm against pintrest, but I just can't figure out how to use it.

I decided to go with beefsteak tomatoes, yellow squash, cucumbers, spinach, and two different types of melons. To my dismay, I am about 3 months too late to get any good melons this year, but hopefully if I can keep them in pots I can save them through the winter and keep them alive. Maybe. We'll see.

I am terrible with before and after pictures, so here is my in the middle picture. I used the eggshell seed starters, some potting soil for indoor/outdoor plants, and got everything off of amazon for less than 30 bucks. Then I got some pots from the dollar store because I'm a cheapo. I also have an avocado seed I am trying to get to grow roots and a pineapple that has roots and has been transplanted to it's own pot.

Late May seedlings. 
June 2013 seedlings. So many plants. 
I'm hoping to do some budget slicing. Hopefully.


Thursday, May 30, 2013

Bear in the Big Blue House Analysis

Delving into the world of children's television, I have been able to watch some older shows that my sister enjoyed and really see something new every time. My favorites to watch are Little Einsteins, Bear in the Big Blue House, and The Wiggles. The problem is that there are only a few episodes of each on youtube, but that only bothers me, not Z. 

I have learned a little bit about appealing to the adults that may be trapped behind the dancing toddler. I think the most interesting has been Bear in the Big Blue house. There are so many levels to this patched together family, one older bear (Bear) his reclusive and strange roommate Tutter (the mouse), the foreign exchange student that most likely staying past his visa allows (Treelo), hyperactive twins Pip and Pop (otters), Ojo, the only female that lives in the house, and a variety of other friends that come and go as they please. 

I'd like to delve into what Bear's life is really like. His best friend (and possible love interest) is Luna the moon. He talks to her every night, tells her about his life, but knows there is nothing more because there is just too much distance between them and she has so many other people that depend on her. Luna always has a spot in her heart for Bear. 

The episode that got me thinking was the Harvest Moon episode, where Luna brings a girl bear from Bear's past, Ursa. Besides the obvious play on Ursa Major, she is genuine with Bear and after all the 'kids' have gone to bed reminds him that "They were going to look at the stars together." That got me thinking, who is Ojo's mother? Why does she live with Bear? Why doesn't Bear have a mate? Meeting Ursa gave me this theory - Ursa and Bear were together, but Ursa decided to move to her home country Spain and be a farmer there, and didn't want to bring the little cub Ojo with her. Either Bear is Ojo's father and they haven't told her, or Ursa wants to pursue her career over being a mother. 

I guess I spend too much time watching kids shows. Maybe they are all just friends and I'm reading into it. 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

MICWiC 2013

I recently had the opportunity to attend another conference, not related to blogging.

I think I want to change jobs again. Or rather I’d like a career. The job I’m at makes pretty meh money, and there is little to no challenge. I have no drive or desire because my coworkers have done such a good job at keeping the bar absurdly low. There is no drive for anything outside, even when there is an incentive. We have community events designed for employees go get involved and help the community. After working here for almost three months, I have done more events than any of my coworkers combined.

A few weeks ago I was recognized for ‘outstanding customer service.’ I used ASL for a Deaf customer. It didn’t strike me as ‘outstanding’ but when you are the only tri-lingual person at a workplace, sometimes you ‘shine.’ As the only person that seems to be a decent human being...meh.

But this is about where I want to go, what I want to do. I think it’s time to decide what I want as a career. I want to go back to school, and I think it’s something to do with technology. I was to program, I want to be a developer. I want to manage and grow in a company and I want to pioneer.

MICWiC was the first opportunity I had to really enjoy and understand success of women in the technology field. There were so many strong women with stories about overcoming gender disparagy in their field. Being a coder, being a developer, its something I can aspire to.

I connected with several people, but I'm still waiting for Z to get old enough to not need me as much.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Baby Wearing (Guestblog)

About Me:
My name is Kal, I am a mother of one, and Megan and I were high school friends. We reconnected when we found out the other was expecting! I live in Grand Rapids, MI, work part-time, and blog about my experiences with parenting and life.

Megan asked me to write a little bit about baby wearing. I'm going to focus not only on why baby wearing is good for parent and child (that's right, not limited to moms), and the wraps I personally have experience with. I tend to go for the stretch hybrids or the gauze wraps from Wrapsody. I love baby wearing, and it has truly become a part of my identity. There are many different types of carriers, just make sure you read consumer comments. Don't just pick any youtube DIY that is out there.  Check your sources please. I encourage you to find better people than me to ask questions about baby wearing. I am not an expert - I just like to share what little knowledge I have. :)

Why I wear my baby:
I am a believer in attachment parenting, and for me, babywearing is a huge part of that. I enjoy cuddles and my Z was a huge butt about being set down. For us, wearing was a key aspect of making sure I didn't lose my brain and she got what she needed. I learned to nurse in a wrap, I put her in a wrap for mall trips, into the store, around the house, out for walks, whenever. Even though she has been walking since last summer, I still put her in wraps when I need to get housework done and she wants to be near me.

For younger children, babywearing simulates being inside the womb. Hearing the heartbeat, keeping warm with body heat and the natural swaying an oscilating that parents do help calm babies. Babies that want to be held and stay up near the parents face are smart - they want to be where the language is, where the sounds and the facial expressions are - its the best place for them to learn.

Also, as a breastfeeding mom, I used wraps for on-the-go feeding. It takes practice, and you need to know your body and your baby's body before trying it out in public. Try feeding around the house before you try it at the checkout lane at Meijer. And yes, I have fed Z while scanning my own produce at the store, I'm sure it was caught on camera. But guess what - CHECK LAWS. In most states, breastfeeding women are exempt from public nudity laws. It's ok to have a nip slip, or to have a baby get bored and unlatch. Feeding in a carrier can reduce your anxiousness if you haven't fed in public before. If someone gets close enough to see what is going on - it's time to press harassment charges. ;)

Babywearing for me is mostly about not having a screaming child, but for some, babies are a fashion. The wraps and carriers come in all sorts of styles, fabrics, and patterns. Some are one piece, but I tend to gravitate towards wrap carriers. I use two main types, the Bali Breeze and the Bali Stretch. I used to use a MOBY, the Seven Slings, and the Flip. - but they didn't turn out to be what I could use and I didn't like as much. I also have a ring sling from BabyEtte for super duper short trips.

Safety:

How not to wear a baby (there is a doll falling out of her wrap!).
Disclaimer: PLEASE USE CAUTION WHEN BABYWEARING. I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH.

1. Make sure baby can breathe. Without the proper head control, you have to make sure that there is no fabric over the baby's face, and they aren't curled down.
2. Never do anything you wouldn't do holding a baby, this includes jogging, running, jumping on trampolines etc.
3. Never use a baby carrier riding in the car.
4. Check types of carriers and what ages they can be used for. (I use wraps which are good for all ages, but certain carries are better for different ages and development stages)
5. Inspect your carriers. Check the fabric, check straps, make sure they are in working order.
6. Protect baby from the elements - hats, coats, carriers don't have protection, be aware.
7. Practice before using baby, or practice over a soft surface like a bed/gym map


Carry Videos : I have drawn from a few of my favorite videos for this. Wrapsodybaby.com, youtube, and I take no credit for making these videos. I have provided the original links so you can like them and enjoy. 
Front carry:
I like to use a simple pre-tied front carry for a lot of my babywearing outside the home. The front cross carry is the instruction that comes with every type of wrap carrier. This can be tied before leaving the house, and usually doesn't need to be adjusted.


The basic X or front cross carry is the easiest carry to do. It is easy to adjust, it is comfortable for baby and doesn't put all the strain on one shoulder like some carries. The only warning I have is to be mindful of your temperature and babies temp. In the winter, a heavy wrap (like a Moby) can get hot! Dress yourself in a tank, baby in a onesie, and throw a coat on over top. If you have something lighter (Bali Breeze or Bali Stretch) you can think of it as a layer of clothing. Never dress a baby in more layers than you would wear.

Back carry:
For all back carries, learn to put baby safely on your back. I suggest using WrapsodyBaby because there are several different methods. I actually use a "double hammock carry" for when I need to get all my chores around the house, or want to go for a walk. Best done after baby has been fed, and can be used to help lull into nap time.


With this one, remember to put the first pass around your chest, then spread it out for the second pass around the baby. This carry is really good for long time wear. Be careful that baby can reach new stuff when up higher (like hair).

Multiple baby carry:
Wearing two similarly sized babies. Zelda (15 mo) and Xander (8 months)
 In  picture above I am using two wraps for the two babies.
For Xander and Zelda I used a double hammock carry, then a basic X carry over that. It is a little warm, but the babies balanced pretty well. For two different sized babies, the larger one should go on your back. There are single wraps for multiple children, but I never have two all the time to experiment on. You can also use a wrap and a ring sling combination, or ever wear one and have one in the stroller. Use what works for you - if something doesn't, that's ok.

That should give you a start for babywearing, but practice, practice, practice. Make sure to read comments on youtube videos when you want to try a new wrap or carry. If the comments are all negative, look somewhere else. There are plenty of good resources, ask your friends if there is a mom's group for trading carriers.

Just remember, I am not and end-all, know-all. There are many other carrys and carriers out there. There are some babywearing groups out there that do rentals, and I encourage anyone to try before you pick out something.

More about babywearing:

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Books, Belly, and Butterflies

I haven't posted about my baby in a few weeks. I've been soap boxing my opinion (however contraversial), and have since forgotten why I started this blog.

Zelda has been amazing, and it seems like every day she learns something new. She started lifting up her shirt and saying 'belly,' then running to me or Sean and pulling up our shirts to say 'belly.' Titi Manda came to visit a few weeks ago and she and Z had a total blast while I was stuck at work. We went out to a playgroup to read a book. We arrived too late for the actual reading portion, but Z started saying 'book.' She'd pick up the copy of whatever we were reading and say 'book' and bring it over. Now I can tell her to grab a book, and she will come sit with me while we page through it.

I am absolutely thrilled with her desire for literature. Early literacy and reading had been a goal for me as a parent, and she has done above and beyond what I had hoped for her age. We have been attending a few different story groups and found a few that were pretty amazing.

I'm going to count this as a win, and now time to move on with other parenting things to work on. Like potty training (dun dun DUN!)


Friday, May 10, 2013

DisneyLand! California Adventures and Extra Stuff

We went to DisneyLand. But the best part about going to California was not the 'magic' of DisneyLand. It was spending time with my aunt and uncle, going to the park, playing in the warm weather and generally just being away from real life for a week.

Driving around LA was the worst. Driving with my mother is bad in Michigan, but put her in an unfamiliar car in the worst traffic in the USA? It was awful. I pleaded my uncle to drive. Or Sean.

I felt like this trip was fun, but we could have done it for much cheaper, and that's why I felt so bad the entire trip. I constantly felt like we were wasting money that we didn't need to, because Z was being a baby. She is a baby, but we could have done simpler things rather than spending money on tickets to the museum, or tickets to DisneyLand. My favorite times were going to the pool and walking and chatting. I'm more of a stay-cation person.

Also, I have learned that the days of staying with my family in close quarters is over. Sean, Z, and I need our own space. That way Z can cry and not disturb others, and we can get our schedules in order. This vacation was also hard because Z doesn't understand how to wait. We did all the rides she was able to go on, and didn't bother to wait in line for anything longer than 15 minutes. No character dinners, no meetings, just walking around the park and getting some good old fashioned vitamin D.

The rest of April was a bit of a blur. Everything has been changing so fast, Sean's parents went through a month of homelessness. Things are finally settling down, and I ordered all of my seeds and getting ready to do some planting and gardening. :)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

I Need to Blog More - March Recap

March has been crazy busy. I had an amazing week with my sister, went to a conference, settled into the new work schedule, had a super late period (thanks IUD, real good job with the birth control), and went to a conference. After all that - Sean is turning 25 on Saturday! Yay for a quarter century, I feel like I'm dating an old man. :P

I haven't been blogging as much as normal these days. Z changes so fast I forget what I have written and what is really new. Every day it feels like she is learning something new and doing something else. Last week it was "book" that became "duck" and "buck" and (you guessed it) "fuck." Not my proudest moment, but a reminder to watch my own language. And she can carry on a conversation by herself, wandering the apartment with my phone to her ear and saying, "Hello. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bye!" Over, and over.

Plus - she says, "what?" It's incredibly cute, but I find myself saying, "Did I stutter?!" Or when we watch something on TV, or just randomly - "What? What?" Or she can try to find someone. Sean left for work one morning and Z walked to the door and started knocking saying "Where Dada?" It kind of broke my heart.

Work has been pretty crazy, it's a busy-work job rather than a career. I like it for now, but I'm going to keep my options open. I'm actually thinking when Z goes to school I might go for a Masters in information systems or some sort of code development. I can code in VB, but, eh. I want to work with computers and have fun and see results and write an app or something. More on that conference I went to another time, I need to process my life for a while first.

Manda came to visit for her spring break. That was amazing. She is a wonderful child care and someone I can just hang with so easily. We started calling her "Titi" and asking Z, "Where's Titi?" Every now and again she'll wander the apartment and ask "where Titi?" I can't wait to have her back to hang out.

When Manda visited and then my parents came to visit, we went to see the butterflies at Fredrik Meijer Gardens. Zelda did pretty well, but wasn't a huge fan of getting held without me or Sean.




Tuesday, March 12, 2013

A Word about Heteronormative Society

I recently went to a store where there was an advertisement for 'daddy-daughter' date nights. I was excited, that means I'd only have to pay for my meal, and get two for free. Most excellent! I am a frugal person - so this seemed right up my alley.

Except when I stopped to think about what a 'daddy-daughter' date night meant. It is reminicent of heteronormative society, only going out with the opposite sex parent. Why not have a 'mommy-daughter' night? Why assume that the child has both parents to choose from?

I'm upset because I want my daughter to grow up without judgements. I don't want to have to always have a borderline electra complex for anything that my daughter wants to do with her father. I don't want her to start with 'daddy-daughter' dates that evolve into chastity balls where my daughter is nothing but a commodity for men. First for her father, then for whoever she is supposed to give herself to.

Yeah, I know I sound crazy, but it seems like a slipperly slope to me. I just want to raise a nonjudgemental liberal child.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Corporate Scams

I dislike large corporations,  mostly when they take advantage of their customers. Companies that use their name to bully and confuse customers into spending more money then they have.

I recently got an email for an offer - 4 product for a dollar with membership. It sounded too good to be true, things that I wanted, could use for gifts and all sorts of stuff. It was too good to be true.

Spending a dollar? That's something I can handle - but I took a look at the 'membership details.'

"As a member, all you need to do is buy 5 movies at regular Club prices in the next 24 months (starting at $19.95 per DVD and $29.95 per Blu-ray for a member who joins under a DVD enrollment offer or starting at $29.95 per DVD and $29.95 per Blu-ray for a member who joins under a Blu-ray enrollment offer), plus shipping and processing of $3.95 for the first title in each order, and $1.49 for each additional title in that same order. You may cancel your membership at any time after purchasing the 5 movies."

Let's quick add that up - 5 movies, each for about $20, and each time you buy you spend $4 in shipping. For the '1 dollar' I was intending on spending, I would end up spending $120. And guess what, you can't just cancel your membership, and you can't use a check. They have your credit card information, and they will charge you. A little rediculous, advertise what you want from your customer!

When a company that is exceptionally wealthy does things like this - it makes me sick.

The problem is, I still love the products. Jerks.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

What Pro-Choice Means for Me

Disclaimer: This is only my feelings on my personal experience with having one pregnancy and resulting in one child. I do not mean it as a blanket statement for all people that are pro-choice.

Pro-choice means for me that no one has the right to tell a woman what to do with her body. No governing body, no religion, no one, ever. A doctor can give an opinion, viable options, statistics and such, but no one can tell a woman what to do with her body - and specifically her uterus.

Zelda was my choice to have, I could have made different decisions with my sex life but I didn't. I made my choices with Sean and had an 'accident.' We may not have known each other for very long, but sometimes you trust someone.

I knew Sean was going to be the best dad when he said 'I love you' to our unborn child before saying it to me.

Pro-choice doesn't mean I wanted to end my pregnancy, for me it meant I had to look at all the possibilities. Was I ready to have a baby? Yes. Was I willing to have the baby? Yes. Was being a parent an option for me? Yes. Did I want to be have a baby? Not exactly, but she's grown on me (and in me). I had no reason to abort Z, medically I was healthy enough, mentally I was alright, and I had a job.

I know in my heart 9 times out of ten I would not abort a baby I was pregnant with. I am a strong enough woman now to understand the consequences of my choices and know that if I am to bring a child into the world I am old enough to take care of it. Does that mean I am irresponsible now? No. I have a freaking IUD. I'm not stupid, another baby would drive me crazy at this point.

Just because I wouldn't abort a fetus doesn't mean that I should impose that choice on any other woman. Some women might not be ready for parenthood, might have been raped, might have been molested - it's not my story, I've written mine out.

Pro-choice is not pro-murder. I'm not saying every unexpected pregnancy should end with abortion. I made my choice. Every other woman should get that same choice.

This kind of stems from this article.

I don't know, but Zelda came out with plenty personality, and I would deem her a person from when she was placed bloody and screaming on my chest.

Recently I missed my period. The only thing I could think was "I can't afford this baby, why did my birth control fail?" It ended up being a week late, and I'm not pregnant. I had to write out a plan for my options - including abortion. So for me, abortion is a choice I am willing to make.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Living on the Edge!

As some of you may know, I live a little on the edge. I like a variety of experiences, and have an affinity for getting things stuck into my skin. But little did I know that there was a great supplier for any sort of medical supplies. I tried amazon, but it was just too expensive and the shipping was a little strange. My close friend turned me to site called ShopMetVet.

It is a pretty good place to get a variety of things to stick into your body, and if you are a medical professional the prices are pretty competitive. I enjoyed the fact that when something from my order didn't come in, immediately I got a call and told the new price, and the new items were shipped to me. I was super excited that I got what I wanted cheaper than I expected too.

I ordered 25g needles and sutures this time around. :) I am a happy person.


Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Co-sleeping Revamp!

As you all know, I am a huge advocate for co-sleeping. Since Sean moved back in though, Z has been getting a little large for the bed with the two of us. I decided to do some more googling to find a solution and I found this on peaceful parenting.

I tried my hand at it and was pleasantly surprised.

It's like a bigger bed.
Right now it's a hard transistion because Zelda likes to sleep between us, and can choose who to cuddle with. I am trying to nurse her to sleep on "her bed" then let her stay asleep there, but I don't think it's comfy at the big bed. Sometimes she'll stay there for a little bit, and as everything with her, it's a work in progress.

I like having the extra space just in case Z wants to spread out. And she jumps on her own bed. I'm sure soon she will understand "her bed" as opposed to "the bed."

Yay cosleeping!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Valentine's Day 2013

I had an amazing Valentine's Day.

I went to work at 8 in the morning, and on my lunch took Sean and Z out to smashburger. It was delicious. After work, we went to the grocery store and bought stuff for burritos. I cooked, and put Z to bed then played Skyrim side-by-side. It was super awesome.



It got me thinking, Sean and I haven't said, "I love you" since we got back together.

Guess what? That's ok. Because love isn't something I should splatter across facebook, it isn't a "hey babe" or "hey boo bear" every other second when we are out. It's a verb, one that I express every day when I cook dinner, when we make a plan to hang out, when I toss Z to her dad, when we all snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. My actions show my feelings, and I don't need one word to express how I feel.

Battle-mage and regular mage and Dwemer ruins. <3
He may have broken my heart once, but he helped give me my Zelda. It's ok not to be romantic, it's ok not to have flowers. I have what matters, and I always will. 

Then this past weekend we made a trip to the Midland. My dad's health isn't great right now, and I'm not sure exactly what to feel. At the MCFTA there was an exhibit called "Grossology" all about how barf and poop and stuff are made. There was a cool little slide where you could climb up and pretend to be food being eaten and sliding down the esophagus.

Of course, my evil strong-baby decides she can climb all things, and starts up by herself.

Look, I can do it myself!
That was pretty cool to watch, especially when she missed a step and was hanging by one arm until I came to help her. I pulled her down and she ran right back up to it to try again. The slide was difficult for her, she didn't want to go down with out a little push.
FACE FIRST!
Thankfully, Daddy helped her out. Good trip, I hope things start going better for my family and to get to see them a little more often.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Busy Life

I haven't posted a blog in a few weeks, so I figured an update was in order.

I started the new job at the bank. It's boring, predictable, and closed on holidays. It's really not bad, but again I'm at the bottom of the learning curve and struggling to get through everything I need to get done.

Zelda climbs like a pro now. Chairs, beds, cabinets, you name it, she tries to climb it. Which is nice for bedtime because when she's tired she'll run to the bedroom and get into bed (and scream while she waits for the boob). I'm so impressed with the amount of things she understands, I can ask her to pick a book and she will bring it to me to read, she can sign 'socks' and is just an amazing kid in every way.

The only thing is her rage. She has anger that has manifested into hitting. I'm trying the time outs and reminding her 'nice' in asl, but now when she's upset, she hits herself with both hands then strikes. I'm sure its because of the language struggles and because sometimes she can't have exactly what she wants. I hope it goes away but nothing distracts this kid.

When she's happy no problems, cuddles, hugs, kisses, blowing kisses, and she can say 'bite' when she wants a chunk of whatever I have to munch on. She is so smart, its mind blowing. I can't wait till she tries to lie for the first time, to see her manipulate her world.

So proud, she's amazing.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

I can drink the Kool-Aid

For my past two jobs, I have blended fairly well. I pretend to be a good Christian, praise Jesus, Lord bless me for I Fucked out of wedlock and it was worth it. Now, I have to put on a new face. Upbeat, chipper, outgoing, fun, eager to please, and all tha jazz.

I'm trying to fit a new mold so I can keep providing for my daughter. This is so hard. Too bad I can't just create a job I'm good at, and just make up my own salary. Magic, all the bills are paid and still living modestly.

I'm frustrated and grumpy, I have pinkeye and a respiratory infection that is destroying my life slowly. Not happy, but at least I have two weeks of full time before setting into a new routine.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Weee!

Zelda has taken to saying "wee!" all the time. Like climbing on furniture and jumping around and spinning in a circle. CRAZY BABY

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Attachment Parenting

I've said before that I am a parent hippy. I cosleep (yes, still), I breastfeed (again, yes, still), and I baby wear (yes, yet again, still). I asked an open ended twitter question, and I actually started a search on what I actually practice. These are only things that work for my family - I do advocate strongly for what I do as what is best for my family but do not presume to mandate my philosophy on anyone else's household.

First, I came across this article. It explains what attachment parenting is. I have thought of myself as an attachment parent, but had trouble thinking about it as a working mom as well. I think it might be easier to attachment parent as a stay-at-home mom, able to plan excursions and play groups. I'm lucky enough to live in a larger city where there are public programs where I can take Zelda and just play. Also, I'm lucky to have close friends that have a son close to Zelda's age so we can hang out with the babies and it's not weird.

To solidify my beliefs, I found this article about 'modern parenting.' I had initially thought this would relate to what I do. In actuality  it speaks out against the 'cry-it-out' method, and leaving a baby in the carseat, or in a crib or away from human contact.

I love touching and holding my baby. I love cuddling and carrying (hence why I baby wear, I don't have arms of steel). But at the same time, I let Z explore as much as possible. Instead of saying 'no' all the time, I place her in situations where I don't have to. Lazy parenting? Possibly. But effective? Well, I look at Zelda's development and can't help but assume I've done something right.

Links:
Attachment Parenting International

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Nescafe Memento

At BlogHer '12, I got a few samples that I had been meaning to review on here. I got two packets of the Nescafe Memento. I had the cappuccino, and the caramel flavors.
My coffee mug with the cappuccino flavor.
I wasn't a fan, but I have a feeling it had to do with my water to packet ratio. My cups are all 20oz, and I tried to fill it only halfway to go with the directions. But it was tasteless and I had to add coffee creamer and milk to each one to make it drinkable. :/

Oh well, you get what you pay for right?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Handprint Craft - Dark Brotherhood

Someone posted on reddit a picture of a handprint craft from pintrest that they put their own spin on. I did my own with Z, but found out that doing hand prints with a one-year-old is excessively difficult.

#1 - smeared, but saved in my personal art book.
So, we took a break. I got some prints of just Z, she smeared black into my carpet, I tried to get off the ink, Z looked like a leopard...

Then we tried a second one.
Attempt 2 - hanging on the wall.
I'm happy with it, it was a fun idea, hard to do in reality though. But a new decoration with a nice Skyrim spin. :)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Crownbraid Attempt


My left side. 

My right side.
I was looking for tutorials on a crown braid, and kept coming up with the 'lazy' way. Two braids you pull over your head and pin in place. I was looking for a french brain that basically runs around your head. Finally I found one on a beautiful mess

"1. You want to start by pulling the majority of your hair forward (in front of your face) from nearly the back of your hair line. This is going to feel very Cousin It but you want most of your hair to be toward the front of your head before you begin. Start on one side of the base of your neck and separate three strands of hair. 2. Begin braiding these three strands together. 3. As you braid, follow along the crown of your head and add a little hair to each strand as you braid around. 4. Once you've braided around the front of your head finish the braid and use an elastic band to secure it. Pin the braid in place, tucking and pinning any loose pieces."

Wonderful pictures, but it turned out to be much harder than I expected. I really didn't expect to be all hanging my head upside down and just feeling stupid. It might have been easier if I had a brush or something, but I didn't.

Fun day, I was feeling super femme and did my makeup and everything too.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Year in Review 2012

This year has been another huge leap and change in my life. I changed jobs, became a single mom, got un-broken-up-with, and Zelda has just grown so much.

In January is was rolling over, May she was crawling and July she was walking. Now she brings me things I want and ask for and spins in circles saying "weeee!" She can say dada, birthday, happy, apple, dance, and cheese, and sits by herself "reading" books. I can't believe that just last year she was nothing more than a screaming pooping mess to a vibrant, social, lovely, evil child.

My year has been rocked with change, and I guess my "resolution" is to not to talk badly about my relationship and to treat Sean with more dignity. Our lives have been very messy, and not every relationship is black and white. I know better than to be petty and angry, so this is my public apology to him. He is a good father, and a good friend, even though he broke my heart this past year.

I can only hope that 2013 will be a year with more growth, and less hurt. Happy New Year!