Friday, June 21, 2013

Weaning

Zelda hasn't breast fed in a week.

She turned 19 months this week, and last Friday I said, "This is the last time I am going to breast feed her." Each night she crawls into my lap and signs 'milk' then 'please.' It breaks my heart when I say, "No more, boobie broken."

"Boobie broken," feels more like "Mommy broken." She screams on my lap until she finally lays her head down and falls asleep.

I just couldn't do it any more. My nipples are sensitive, I am done leaking, and honestly she doesn't need it. I didn't have Magic Boob that just instantly put her to sleep. Z doesn't nurse in the middle of the night, and she doesn't need boob to fall asleep.

So I treasure the minutes she sleeps with me, the cuddles that happen in the middle of the night, and the 'hi!' that wakes me in the morning sometimes.

The real sadness comes from the fact that this may be the only child I every breastfeed. That I am not going to have this stage of my life again. I'm not intending to have another child, so my pregnancy and breastfeeding is over. And that's it.

I gave everything I could to Zelda. And I hope that I am doing right by her by saying is't time to be done.

"Boobie broken," but that doesn't mean I love her any less.

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